Trying to Spring Forward past all the Falling Back I tend to do

Today, I looked up from my fifth consecutive loss in Hearthstone and I thought to myself, “I need to move around more.  I sit down far too much.”  So I got up and went to the Rec Hall, which has some workout equipment next to the basketball court, and walked on the elliptical machine for 20 minutes.  Not a huge amount, to be sure, but since I haven’t worked out in any meaningful way since last October, it was a good start.

Then I came right back to my room and played WOW.  But hey, Progress!

I realize I’ve been away for a while.  Well, I haven’t posted.  I’ve been reading people’s posts, even found a few new blogs to follow, but I haven’t been successful in writing anything for about a month.  Part of it was the depression, sure, and part of it was being so busy at work, but a lot of it was just that I didn’t have anything to say.  My dad described it pretty well when we were talking earlier.  He said, “Kid, you and me both, we’ve spent our lives playing catchup; putting out fires as they come up, and never really had a plan.  Look at me: I’m 74 years old, and still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.”

That’s all I’ve been doing lately.  Playing catch up.  I’m not really living.  I don’t have any goals beyond “Make it through work each day” and “Brush my teeth before bedtime.”  So It’s time I made some. 

Short Term Goals:

I am going to post at least once a week.  Something, even if it’s just a photo and a few words.  Just so there is proof that I’m alive.

I am going to the Rec Hall and walk on the elliptical at least 20 minutes a day.  (bonus fitness goal: check out the Yoga class on Tuesdays!)

I am going to use the Rosetta Stone Program my Dad bought me and Learn French.

I am going to get my driver’s license by the end of the year.

I am going to do some research on careers that interest me, see what it would take to change tracks.  I like my job, but it isn’t what I planned to do.  I never planned to be here.  I am here, in a very real way, because i never planned anything.  And even if I stay; I want it to be because I want to, not because I don’t have anything better to do.

I am going to Live.

Why can’t I write the post inside my head?

Edit:  I woke up at two am and found this on my phone’s wordpress app, after about four separate dreams where i was trying to catch up on the Zero to Hero Challenge:

There is a wall between my inner self and you.  It is very irregular,mirror-smooth seeming from one direction, jagged sharp peaks up close.  Thick as a blanket, safe as a cocoon.  You may never even notice it: part of the wall’s glamour is to hide itself with itself, to cover up weaknesses by revealing them.  I “wear my heart on my sleeve” so that you don’t look past it.

It is this wall that gets between me and the words i seek.

Sometimes the wall is just cold medicine, though, and i need to lie down before this post gets any weirder.  Perhaps tomorrow the world will make enough sense to write about.

I hate being sick, but sometimes it leads to half-remembered insights.